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"pays"?

"date?"

i do not understand zees words.
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"date"?

"commit"?

to quote inigo montoya: "you keep saying this word. i don't know the meaning of this word."
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Ocean. Windows. Piano. Man home on the week-end. Finis.
spiralflames: (sweet)
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fascinating Q.

my mom? she'd be a porcupine- looks harmless, but do NOT piss her off or endanger her young, and NEVER turn your back on her.

my dad? he'd something from the multi-verse..something that looked strong and solid, but that certain words could break him, or make him stronger and taller. my dad would be a Sequoia with a heart and mind.
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been able to find a partner deserving of the love and trust i have to give.

self-portrait2, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

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why, she says with wide eyes, such a coincidence, because in november i WILL be releasing a CD, if all goes well. chart-topping? errrm....not.

it will be a benefit for the minnesota angel foundation ( http://www.mnangel.org ) which gives financial support to those individuals and familes touched by cancer.

in my mind? this is the CD you want in your earphones when you're going into chemo for the first time and you're scared right down to the bone. it's going to be 8 songs by classical composers with erika gesme, a wonderful soprano, (with me at the piano) 3 native american stories read by frank williams, and a couple solo piano things.

the name of the CD is going to be "when you walk through a storm."

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"the person at the next table will be your next lover."
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happened. not a "serious crime" but a serious lie. i answered the phone to a sheriff calling to ask my man when a good time to deliver his divorce papers would be.

he had told me his wife had died slowly and painfully from cervical cancer. she was fat, happy, and still married to him.

we were living together at the time and planning a wedding.

oh...and when i'd gotten a "STAY AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND!" hang-up call? that'd been a former jilted squeeze.

he loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooved me.

can you say a88hole?

i knew that you could.
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huh? did 746 people answer this? don't they mean, help HER conceive a child? why would she ask me to help myself?? ISN'T THERE AN EDITOR FOR THESE THINGS??
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susan, the belled weaver must portnoy together.

**

and that's how much sense the question made to me.
spiralflames: (obscure)
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laugh or cry? who knows-
wally's ashes in the trunk
life is quite surreal


trock'ne bluemen, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.



i'll get to the story. i've been living a combination of "the big lebowsky", "where's poppa" and "california vacation".......aaiee!
spiralflames: (solitude)
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"believe in"? like, as a philosophical principle? sure.

practice? i could.

believe i could handle the pressure of trying to provide someone else's motivation towards that? oh hell no.

odd Q.

spiralflames: (anxiety)
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argh. who has WHAT easier? social things? motherhood? upper body strength? penis length? breast size? singing soprano? this is really a question that should have been thrown out- it's way too vague and will inspire too much ranting and stupidity. yeah, yeah, i know... /rant /lameness.
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there were a few odd years when i played at being part of a couple. it was a great vacation- i had more in common with regular people, it was socially easier being with couples, who didn't feel so odd around my single self, it was pleasant not to have to wonder what was happening on the weekend, it was good in many ways. but, for me, it wasn't meant to last. it was like the trip to the tropical resort- so much indulgence, so many activities, everything shiny and different...but sooner or later, you get tired of the novelty, you realize that while it's a Very Fine House, it's not yours after all..and you realize it's time to go home.

and so i did.

soft-focus dress, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

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this is actually an interesting question. having been online since (yes i am OLD!) 1993, i've been through it all, online-wise-- but i found that even when people TRY, they really can't hide their true selves for too long. the funniest were the men who tried to act like women: i could bust them in 2 questions- "what size panties do you wear?" "34" (bwahaha! that'd make them..ohhhh..900 lbs?) and "what's your favorite perfume"..."chanel no5"..but even the men who were just trying to be, oh, elegant and educated (they'd always go professorial when they found out i was a classical pianist)..that'd run out of steam in 10 sentences or so. people who are dull in life? hello. dull online. people who are dull in bed? hello, REALLY dull- and got way too stupidly pornographic- way too soon. the only benefit? ::click:: you're gone. would that some first dates could end so easily.

now THESE days, i don't really do random chat any more, so my 'online' is mostly reading LJ and talking via AIM to people from my Real Life. if you read people long enough, you get a pretty true picture of them- how they write, how they punctuate and spell, what they consider important, what threads run through the facts (illness, sadness, joy, relationship).

in my own online writing, i tend to 'clean it up' a bit emotionally- i don't often purposely waste time with truly trivial bitching. i like to offer conclusions ("after being miserable for a week, i finally realized....") and i like to write about things that have made me pause a moment and reflect. i don't twitter (argh unless you're bill gates or stephen hawking, who CARES what you ate for lunch?!!)..but also, i don't often truly scrape the raw fear that usually lives about 50 layers beneath the surface. scratch a wound often enough, it won't ever heal. so if i need to vent those things, they go into my paper journals. i don't speak of these things with anyone, so it's logical that i don't speak of them here, either.

an LJ friend said recently that nobody here "really" knew her- i related. some things are too personal, too inner, and bringing them out just scratches that raw wound. a friend of mine once said "if i laughed as much as i wanted to laugh, or cried as much as i wanted to cry, i'd never be able to stop." i understood. so- fileting your Soul online? not always wise for inner stability.

but...fake it? i'll bust you. lie? i'll figure it out. bullshit? bye bye, who has time. but share what you will, put forth what you can, because there ARE people online who can become lifetime friends (hello mb) and wonderful lovers (i haven't talked to you since..what..1998? but knowing you was a miracle in my life.)

and when it's All Said And Done, online IS life- a few crazies, a few gems, a few bores, a few "WHAT was i even THINKING?" encounters..and we move on, hopefully, a little smarter.
**
and now that you've waded through THAT stream of consciousness, have a few blueberries.

wild blueberries, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

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that he live in the house next door.
seriously- i'm a wonderful friend, a good lover, a staunch supporter...
and i'm a lousy roommate.

house in buffalo mn, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

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Spiral Flames comes from a poem by DH Lawrence that speaks of the "spiral flames of the spirit which inspire men toward greatness."

fireworks3, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

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para-Ex-a-skeevy-bore-a-phobia?

sure, who doesn't?

ok, so it's a stretch. so sue me.
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clueless here, but i'd bet that even without knowing them, they'd sure be cute than...
.
..
...
....
.....
Richard Nixon.

(see, i CAN be surprising!)
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snotty answer: yeah, usually when my Ex was sitting across the table...

serious A: sure, all the time. sometimes, food is social, and is secondary to spending some prime time with someone else. other times, i just just have a food jones and don't want to cook, and i'll wander somewhere with books and a journal. i tend not to do this where it's busy, or where are people waiting for a table- i'll go somewhere quiet at odd hours, get some book-work done, and have a quiet meal as well.

howling dog saloon, AK, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.


PS: the Howling Dog Saloon would probably NOT fit my description above ;-D somehow, i think quiet bookwork and journalling might be seen as a challenge...

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