spiralflames: (Default)
lately, via [livejournal.com profile] a_joyous_life but also it seems i'm getting this thrown at me- in email, in r/l, on fb...over and over, so it's time to start working this through...

Be Impeccable with Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Impeccable means “without sin” and a sin is something you do or believe that goes against yourself. It means not speaking against yourself, to yourself or to others. It means not rejecting yourself. To be impeccable means to take responsibility for yourself, to not participate in “the blame game.”

Regarding the word, the rules of “action-reaction” apply. What you put out energetically will return to you. Proper use of the word creates proper use of energy, putting out love and gratitude perpetuates the same in the universe. The converse is also true.

Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
We take things personally when we agree with what others have said. If we didn't agree, the things that others say would not affect us emotionally. If we did not care about what others think about us, their words or behavior could not affect us.

Even if someone yells at you, gossips about you, harms you or yours, it still is not about you! Their actions and words are based on what they believe in their personal dream.

Our personal “Book of Law” and belief system makes us feel safe. When people have beliefs that are different from our own, we get scared, defend ourselves, and impose our point of view on others. If someone gets angry with us it is because our belief system is challenging their belief system and they get scared. They need to defend their point of view. Why become angry, create conflict, and expend energy arguing when you are aware of this?

Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
When we make assumptions it is because we believe we know what others are thinking and feeling. We believe we know their point of view, their dream. We forget that our beliefs are just our point of view based on our belief system and personal experiences and have nothing to do with what others think and feel.

We make the assumption that everybody judges us, abuses us, victimizes us, and blames us the way we do ourselves. As a result we reject ourselves before others have the chance to reject us. When we think this way, it becomes difficult to be ourselves in the world.

Take action and be clear to others about what you want or do not want; do not gossip and make assumptions about things others tell you. Respect other points of view and avoid arguing just to be right. Respect yourself and be honest with yourself. Stop expecting the people around you to know what is in your head.

Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Doing your best means enjoying the action without expecting a reward. The pleasure comes from doing what you like in life and having fun, not from how much you get paid. Enjoy the path traveled and the destination will take care of itself.

Living in the moment and releasing the past helps us to do the best we can in the moment. It allows us to be fully alive right now, enjoying what is present, not worrying about the past or the future.
spiralflames: (healing_chakra)
Personal Bill of Rights

1. I HAVE A RIGHT ... to all the good times that I have longed for all these years and didn't get.

2. I HAVE A RIGHT ... to joy in this life, right here, right now - not just a momentary rush of euphoria but something more substantive.

3. I HAVE A RIGHT ... to relax and have fun in a non-alcoholic and in a non-destructive way.

4. I HAVE A RIGHT ... to actively pursue people, places, and situations that will help me in achieving a good life.

5. I HAVE A RIGHT ... to say no whenever I feel something is not safe or I am not ready.

6. I HAVE A RIGHT ... to not participate in either the active or passive "crazy-making" behaviors of parents, of siblings, and of others.

7. I HAVE A RIGHT ... to take calculated risks and to experiment with new strategies.

8. I HAVE A RIGHT ...to change my tune, my strategy, and my funny equations.

9. I HAVE A RIGHT ... to "mess up", to make mistakes, to "blow it", to disappoint myself and to fall short of the mark.

10. I HAVE A RIGHT ... to leave the company of people who deliberately or inadvertently put me down, lay a guilt trip on me, manipulate or humiliate me, including my alcoholic parent, my non-alcoholic parent, or any other member of my family.

11. I HAVE A RIGHT... to put an end to conversations with people who make me feel put down and humiliated.

12. I HAVE A RIGHT ... to all my feelings.

13. I HAVE A RIGHT ...to trust my feelings, my judgment, my hunches, my intuition.

14. I HAVE A RIGHT ...to develop myself as a whole person emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically and psychologically.

15. I HAVE A RIGHT ...to express all my feelings in a nondestructive way and at a safe time and place.

16. I HAVE A RIGHT ... to as much time as I need to experiment with this new information and these new ideas and to initiate changes in my life.

17. I HAVE A RIGHT ...to a mentally healthy, sane way of existence, though it will deviate in part, or all, from my parents' prescribed philosophy of life.

18. I HAVE A RIGHT ...to carve out my place in this world.

19. I HAVE A RIGHT ... to follow any of the above rights, to live my life the way I want to, and not wait until my alcoholic parent gets well, gets happy, seeks help, or admits there is/was a problem.
Author Unknown

spiralflames: (Default)

winter late afternoon12, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

posted by [livejournal.com profile] _appassionata_ this morning:

The act of performing almost forces us to become our best selves: performers must be realists, rise to the occasion, and shed limitations such as self-delusions, narcissism, and unproductive thoughts. Our minds must unite intuition and rationality in a purposeful, high-level way. We must make sense of the abstract. We must become fluid, open-system thinkers, always receptive to new connections. If learning to play a particular piece of music is a journey, then that journey of knowledge isn't quite complete without the culminating stage of public performance--even if it's for an audience of one.

from _The Perfect Wrong Note_ by William Westney

spiralflames: (spiral_staircase)
[livejournal.com profile] pirandella, a person who doesn't post much and whom i don't know much about, posted the following short entry today- deep thoughts about music.

Again and again one has to admit wile listening to the Great Composers of the Golden Age or the best works of Bach that one has to travel a long time to enter the realms of musical bliss, to be ready for being music in its clearest, most intricate and still elegant way, bare of superfluous effects, being mind and body in one, weightless and relaxed while being wide awake and fully attentive- call it Zen, call it Meditation or Unio Mystica - it's one of the rare moments of life to be truly cherished and remembered - esp. in moments like now, when reality calls for me. Sigh.


Oct. 30th, 2008 11:55 am
spiralflames: (photography)

debbie's leaves5, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

i've been obsessed lately with debbie, my parents' maple tree. (don't look at me that way..her specific variety is "debra schwedling.") my mom wanted a sugar maple, and dad bought her the "wrong" tree. but debbie's maturing- and i realized this year that she's a fricken genius. although she doesn't seem to turn any particular color, her genius is in her fallen leaves- from ONE tree, green, gold, red, variegated..she's a tree virtuoso! i've never been aware of a single tree doing such amazing things. have another:

debbie's leaves11, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

and, finally, another autumn poem, gifted to me by [livejournal.com profile] maidenlibrarian
A Vagabond Song
Bliss Carmen

THERE is something in the autumn that is native to my blood—
Touch of manner, hint of mood;
And my heart is like a rhyme,
With the yellow and the purple and the crimson keeping time.

The scarlet of the maples can shake me like a cry
Of bugles going by.
And my lonely spirit thrills
To see the frosty asters like a smoke upon the hills.

There is something in October sets the gypsy blood astir;
We must rise and follow her,
When from every hill of flame
She calls and calls each vagabond by name.
spiralflames: (random_1)

m'haha park4, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

even though today it is crisp and clear, i can tell the earth in this area is wanting to go to sleep for the winter. i'm ready. i have never experienced the wonder of the seasons like i have since photography became central to my life. what a gift.

i'm listening to ravel _tombeau de couperin_, which is inward and elegant and befitting the time.

this morning, from [livejournal.com profile] _appassionata_ who captured my mood although she didn't know how perfectly:

Linden Lea

Within the woodlands, flow'ry gladed,
By the oak trees' mossy moot,
The shining grass blades, timber shaded,
Now do quiver under foot;
And birds do whistle overhead,
And water's bubbling in its bed;
And there o'er me the apple tree
Do lean down low in Linden Lea.

When leaves, that lately were a-springing,
Now do fade within the copse,
And painted birds do hush their singing,
Up upon the timber tops;
And brown-leaved fruit's a-turning red,
In cloudless sunshine overhead,
With fruit for me, the apple tree
Do lean down low in Linden Lea.

Let other folk make money faster,
In the air of darkroom'd towns;
I don't dread a peavish master,
Though no man may heed my frowns.
I be free to go abroad,
Or take again my homeward road,
To where, for me, the apple tree
Do lean down low in Linden Lea.

spiralflames: (scenery)

minnehaha park autumn3, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

quoted from [livejournal.com profile] djeannot, this was an absolute revelation to me..perhaps some of the problem i have with christianity is in the british translations?

The Aramaic Prayer of Jesus is the original Lord's Prayer as given by Jesus in the Aramaic language (Original tansliteration from the Syriac-Aramaic version of the Peshltta by Neil Douglas-Klotz)

O Birther! Father-Mother of the Cosmos, you create all that moves in light,
Focus your light within us---make it useful as the rays of a beacon show the way.
Create your reign of unity now---through our firey hearts and willing hands.
Your one desire then acts with ours, as in all light, so in all forms.
Grant what we need each day in bread and insight.
Loose the cords of mistakes binding us, as we release the strands we hold of others' guilt.
Don't let surface things delude us.
But free us from what holds us back.
From you is born all ruling will, the power and the life to do, the song that beautifies all,
from age to age it renews.

my path, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

spiralflames: (nature)

buffalo cemetery autumn2, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

today a few pictures with lovely colors but serious locations- and a few lines from [livejournal.com profile] rm which, brilliant in their simplicity, require no addition by me:

"I think it is a true thing to say there is no such thing as a minor stroke.

Or a minor burglary.

Or a minor life."

buffalo cemetery autumn, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

take time to tell those you love that they are loved. the pictures say it all.
spiralflames: (issues)

white peony3, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

it's set!

this will be a benefit concert for the Minnesota Angel Foundation, which gives financial help to individuals and families dealing with cancer.

this is the first performance i have given since i was diagnosed with stage IV ovarian cancer (i am now cancer free- i am blessed) a little over three years ago.

here are the specifics:

Friday, May 1 2009 at 7:00 PM
Minnetonka Methodist Church
Minnetonka, Minnesota (Mtka is a suburb of Minneapolis)
Music by Franz Schubert and Francis Poulenc
admission free, donations appreciated

this is some of the music i love more than anything in the world:

Poulenc: Sonata for Flute and Piano
Poulenc: Sonata for Oboe and Piano
Poulenc: Elegie for Horn and Piano
Poulenc: Trio for Oboe, Bassoon and Piano
Poulenc: Babar the Elephant for Narrator and Piano
Schubert: Moment Musicaux in A-flat
Schubert: selections
Schubert: Auf dem Strom for Soprano, Horn and Piano

life is good. (and organizing this many musicians and a church IS the definition of 'herding cats') :-D

PS- once i meet my bassoonist and my singer and get their OK, i'll edit this entry and include their names in case anyone wants to send this entry out as an announcement.
spiralflames: (words)

spent the afternoon stalking musicians. i have a flutist for poulenc flute sonata, perhaps an oboist for oboe sonata, and gave the elegie to a horn player (who didn't know the piece! for an instrument with so few solo pieces, how was that possible??) i'm waiting for a callback from a singer, and a friend of mine who has a Radio Voice is going to do the narration for the Babar the Elephant.

w00t! as people say. or used to.

AND went back to choir tonight. serious read-through of the brahms german requiem. to be honest? i don't think this choir has the chops, but i may be speaking prematurely. i have to get my high notes in shape- tessitura's sustainedly high, even for alto.

there's music flowing through my veins again. (and she pauses for a stanza of e.e.)

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
spiralflames: (unite)
this today made me cry. it is true of how i view my parents.

Watching my Parents Sleeping Beside an Open Window Near the Sea
by Rebecca McClanahan

Needing them still, I come
when I can, this time to the sea
where we share a room: their double bed,
my single. Morning fog paints the pale
scene even paler. Lace curtains breathing,
the chenille spread folded back,
my father's feet white sails furled
at the edge of blue pajamas.
Every child's dream, a parent
in each hand, though this child is fifty.
Their bodies fit easily, with room
to spare. When did they grow
so small? Grow so small—
as if it were possible to swell
backwards into an earlier self.
On the bureau, their toys
and trinkets. His shaving brush
and pink heart pills, her gardenia
sachet. The tiny spindle that pricks
the daily bubble of blood, her sweet
chemistry. Above our heads
a smoke alarm pulses, its red eye beating.
One more year, I ask the silence.
Last night to launch myself
into sleep I counted their breaths, the tidal
rise and fall I now put my ear to,
the coiled shell of their lives.

"Watching my Parents Sleeping Beside an Open Window Near the Sea" by Rebecca McClanahan, from Deep Light: New and Selected Poems 1987-2007. © Iris Press, 2007.
spiralflames: (psychology)
from _leaves of grass_ by walt whitman:

I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable,
I sound my barbaric YAWP over the roofs of the world.


such a poetic way to say, Kiss MY ample ass. :-D
spiralflames: (wise_words)
via [livejournal.com profile] enharmonium

"I think music chooses people. I don't think people choose music."

- Dr. Billy Taylor
spiralflames: (Default)
i have an anonymous occasional responder, and since all anonymous replies are screened, they come to me thru email and i can decided to allow them to be viewed or not. this one was worth pasting into a main entry. this is taken from the post i made yesterday, where i ended with a list of statements.

quoth A.Nonny Moose:

So what happens if you turn these into things TO do instead of things to NOT do? NB: I added one.

1. It's your emotion, it's valid, it's informative; LET IT OUT. Choose the where and how, if need be, but let it out - in writing, in the car, at the piano, with other people, wherever it works. Humans are emotional beings.

2. ACCEPT YOURSELF. Evaluation for assessment and adjustment is welcome, but you can't start from a place you won't stand. Understand that growth takes time, and seeds need tending well before they make it through to the surface. You are you, and that is, and always will be, enough.

3) most of it is NOT such a damn big deal- unless you make it into one.

4) Treat your own emotions with the same courtesy you would extend a friend's. Look for constructive responses, they are the helpful ones. And look for what your emotions have to tell you about what is going on - both surface and undercurrents.

5) and, as a friend said to me so long ago, "just accept the love others have to give you."
As you respect your friends, you must respect their gifts.

6) Be yourself. Your whole self. Every day. It's who you are. Learn from it. Share it. Celebrate it. Watch yourself grow, in wonder.

I wish you joy in the journey.

spiralflames: (the_soul)
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

~ e. e. cummings
spiralflames: (solitude)
There's a saying old says that love is blind,
Still we're often told, "Seek and ye shall find."
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind.
Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet;
He's the big affair I cannot forget.
Only man I ever think of with regret.
I'd like to add his initials to my monogram.
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There's a somebody I'm longing to see,
I hope that he turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me.
I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood.
I know I could always be good
To one who'll watch over me.
Although he may not be the man some girls think of as handsome.
To my heart he carries the key.
Won't you tell him please to put on some speed,
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone who'll watch over me.
spiralflames: (soul retrieval)
I Have Come Into the World to See This...
I have come into this world to see this:
the sword drop from men's hands
even at the height of their arc of anger
because we have finally realized
there is just one flesh to wound
and it is His - the Christ's, our Beloved's.

I have come into this world to see this:
all creatures hold hands as we pass through this miraculous existence we share
on the way to even a greater being of soul, a being of just ecstatic light, forever entwined and at play with Him.

I have come into this world to hear this:
every song the earth has sung since it was conceived in the Divine's womb and began spinning from His wish,
every song by wing and fin and hoof,
every song by hill and field and tree and woman and child,
every song of stream and rock,
every song of tool and lyre and flute,
every song of gold and emerald and fire,

every song the heart should cry with magnificent dignity
to know itself as God:
for all other knowledge will leave us again
in want and aching -
only imbibing the glorious Sun will complete us.

I have come into this world to experience this:
men so true to love they would rather die
before speaking an unkind word,
men so true their lives are His covenant -
the promise of hope.

I have come into this world to see this:
the sword drop from men's hands even at the height of their arc of rage because we have finally realized there is just one flesh we can wound.

~ Hafiz (translated by D. Landinsky)


spiralflames: (Default)

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