spiralflames: (black_cat)
ready for my close-up, mr dogMille...
behold my excellent boy!!
*
ok. don't send mental health workers to check on me, i'm really quite OK...but.. lately, my subconscious has been giving me very specific piano lessons in my dreams. i kiddest thou not. they've been very realistic, not at all fanciful (no ghosts of beethoven or other fantasy characters) and i've learned a lot. here's the first one: i dreamt i was performing in a master class given by pianist andrei gavrilov. (he's friended me on facebook, so i see his name quite often.) i was playing the mozart c minor fantasy. it starts with a slow intro in open octaves. about 3 lines in, he interrupted me....stop, stop, STOP for god's sake!!!! needless to say, i did. "really? this is all you're going to do? start again, and make me believe that not only your own life, but the lives of the whole free world depended on your making them pay attention!" Andrei can be quite intimidating when he's in the mood.
i thought, i gathered force, i felt myself concentrate into a pinpoint of white light and......
C OCTAVES. like the final tolling of the bell before heaven. E-FLATS.. everything went dark except for a circle of light containing my hands and the keyboard. F-SHARPS. i felt all the extraneous sound suck out of the room as into a vacuum. i made it about 3 lines. i was so exhausted i couldn't continue. a drop of sweat gathered on the tip of my nose and dropped on to middle c. "WHY DID YOU STOP?" he said from outside of the vacuum. "that's all i had." i replied. "it was too much work! if i were to play like that, like every note is the most important sound in an otherwise silent world, i would die!"

"great." Andrei said, his face relaxing into a big grin, letting me know he actually hadn't been that pissed at all, and that it really wasn't his nature to come across like an avenging norwegian god...but just wanted to push to see if i had it in me. "now play like that ALL the time."
alaska
spiralflames: (waiting)

nanpiano2...for duets, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.


my sister told me i have rewritten a story in my akashic records, whatever they actually are.

dream: i dreamt i was chased through hallways, up and down blocks, in and out of rooms and houses, by nazis. opening one door, seeing a nazi face, turning the opposite way...getting to the end of a hallway, feeling a moment of relief..then a door opens... yeah, regular 1940 style nazis.

note: this is in no way a part of my or my family's heritage.

after awhile, i met a woman who, in the dream, kept morphing back and forth between two women i consider to be the epitome of grace and loveliness, my departed friend marion and my current friend betsy. she/they said, you know, you can rewind this entire tape, and see that the events aren't scary at all, and that there never were nazis, it was all an adventure."

then it reversed super-fast (like rewind on an old VCR video, it all went backwards (running backwards etc...until i was at the beginning. and the same chase began- in and out doors, in and out of houses, up and down blocks...but this time i was playing, having FUN and i was shrieking- not from fear, but from joy and excitement, the way happy kids do. the same scenes, the same doors and windows- sans nazis.
~~
patty said, "you've re-written YOUR STORY. you've actually rewritten the story of your past."
~~
there.
are.
no.
nazis.
chasing.
me.

ever.
again.

and you know what? they might NEVER have been there.

nansunset2: canvassy, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

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spiralflames

November 2016

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