spiralflames: (Default)
this is the Statement i read last sunday at the Croning ceremony. i kept it as a private because this is a bit of a repeat- i've said some of this in other contexts- and also, it's pretty persona. but i wanted to put the chronicle out there (and have another excuse to post a photo.) and let's face it. part of this whole experience, for me anyway, is Speaking My Truth.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i have never been proud of myself as a woman.

i have been proud of myself as a friend, a teacher, a musician. i have been a good listener, a good companion, a gentle care-giver and a staunch supporter.

i've run my own business, gotten myself a few degrees, had a few relationships that worked, a few that didn't, like everyone else in the world.

but i've never embraced my female self.

finally, my female self came back to bite me- and i found that i had stage 4 ovarian cancer.

my world turned upside down and i thought i might lose everything- my business, my piano, my house..my life.

but friends and family came through for me and my doctors figured me out, i had surgery and i recovered. i can't say i had courage- i didn't. i cried all the time. but i came back- to myself and my life.

these days, i choose my battles more carefully, am slower to anger, and can let things go rather than turning them into major wars. i'm not perfect by any means, but i have learned one thing.

if you do not love yourself and your body, it will fail you. i did not love myself as a woman, and my womanly body turned cancerous. this is the 2nd chakra and is the seat of reproduction, emotion and control. i had to learn to give it up. all of it.

two years later, i got cancer of the thyroid. that's the throat chakra, and is the center for owning your truth, claiming your true voice.

even though i am a musician, i never felt confident to speak my truth.

here is my truth. i am a strong, ample, powerful woman. i am proud and i can be lovely. i am a strong friend but a formidable adversary, and if you hurt my friends or my family, i will hurt you. my truth might not be your truth, but it is truth nonetheless, and i will be heard. in the next half of my life, i will embrace myself as a woman, a lover and someone who is not ashamed to cry and to ask for help.

i will live and i will love all the days of my life.

so let it be.

..she is self-contained, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

spiralflames: (goddess)

edina, MN, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.


yesterday i participated in a Croning ceremony. details and pics ahoy )

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