spiralflames: (spiral_stairs)
good morning. have a photo of alaskan fireweed.

fireweed5, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

don't read on if sentimentality bothers you.
last night, i had a rather surprising emotional reaction. surprising, because it happened in a place i thought my cynicism had totally guarded me against: a church. (i know!) in the church where i sing, regular weds night rehearsals are now postponed because of lenten services. i teach too late to get to the pre-service rehearsal, so i just ducked in to the back of the church to hang out until the end of the service, so i could go to the regular choir rehearsal.

at the end of the service, the choir passed by on their way out. as they walked by, one of them put their hand on my shoulder and patted it. ( was sitting in the last row.) as the rest of them walked by, almost everyone either touched my shoulder or patted me. i felt like i was being blessed- it made me a little verklempt. it was odd- there was nothing going on, there was no illness or physical reason i wasn't up there singing with them- i was just LATE. it was one of those truly spontaneous, and totally unexpected, moments of grace.
now i have to get dressed and head out- first, to my every-three-months visit to the oncologist, where i am hoping that everything is still going well. then over to the Studio where i meet the flutist for the poulenc flute sonata for the first time. then coffee. then swimming. yay! day gets better and better.

OK, i'm off. wish me well for the dr. visit.


Nov. 16th, 2008 05:32 pm
spiralflames: (freedom)

leaves after rain13, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

today's first photo is from my Golden Autumn. i miss it. the second photo is from Fort Snelling's abandoned Upper Post, which is a historical site but falling into ruin- very sad. the buildings should be preserved- i kept thinking, this is ridiculous, people could LIVE in here..

edit: just got a note that reminded me that we're in STANDARD time now..which immediately made it dark an hour earlier. i wish the gov't wouldn't dick around with our time- it's sweet having it light out til 9:30 PM in july, but awful when it gets dark arou d 4:30 PM this time of year..i think i'd be for 12-month DST.

i keep thinking about what it must be like in Alaska now, how odd it must be to have light 5 or 6 hours a day, whether people just get used to it, or whether they just keep thinking "in august we will have 18 hrs of sunlight, take THAT you outlanders.'

i think of how removed-from-nature i made myself, all those years i locked myself in a practice room, and now i wonder if that choice was the right one, and where it got me. i suppose people go through similar things if they quit a demanding job they've held for a long time, or if a spouse leaves them or died. what choices did i make, and why did "not to choose" become such a serious choice?

today i went with F and T and a few of their friends to a Sports Bar, where people who Take Football Seriously hang out. these people are all very intense about their teams and their fantasy football leagues and such, and had spirited conversations about players and stats and such things. i wonder about sports- whether women who say they enjoy them say so because it'll give them something to talk about with their men, and whether men who enjoy them do so because it's somehow The Thing To Do. it seems so utterly alien to me, but i suppose it would seem AS alien if i stuck one of the people from the bar at a Wagner Opera. the only difference is, they would have NO trouble saying loudly that "this sucks!" while if i had done the same, i'd be looked at as a total alien, and, in this context, might have incurred bodily harm.

the cool thing about this afternoon was, that while the football game raged on, and many men in tight pants fell down and ran and jumped, we talked about labyrinths, symbolism, the aspects of the Goddess, and whether a class on the Goddess might be taught at Pathways. interesting things come in odd contexts. had i not been invited for football, i wouldn't have been involved in this conversation, been invited to a "crone" ritual, and invited the 2 couples to dinner over the holidays.

got a formal Job Description for the church job i investigated. decent money, actually, but they want an organist, choir director, accompanist, bell choir director, meeting attendance, consulting w/pastor for hymn choice, and provider/organizer for all music for summers and vacations when choir doesn't sing. whoa! that's a full-time job, and i wouldn't have been interested OR qualified. wish they might have bothered to decide on a job description BEFORE i got all excited about it. however, to me it shows lack of organization and consideration- never a good way to start a working relationship.

in other news, drum circle at Pathways last night. timothy, the man who usually leads the group, in travelling in Nepal right now, so merle, the other group leader, was the facilitator. his energy is quiet and settled, and it seemed a bit somber. there are a couple new people who chose to be totally silent, and one sincere newcomer who took notes. i still have never had the nerve to ask whether it's possible to actually experience shamanistic visions without drugs, since it seems that in my readings, all shamans/medicine men/visionaries took part in indigenous plant life to give them their extraordinary visions. however, i do enjoy the quiet, the songs, the time for silence, and my Spirit seems to be settled for awhile longer after i do this.

cold, sad, dark..but no snow yet. i'm a little sad, and don't know why.

spiralflames: (goddess)

giant sunny fibonacci spiral!, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

it's been grey and rainsnowing all week. have a remembrance of summers past, summers to come.

elder maintenance today- took mom to physical therapy. sweet to see her skinny little bod get worked on. she's amazingly flexible for her age! tomorrow, dad to the dr (nothing major) and i will show him all the compliments his pictures got from my f'list on my remembrance day post. he will love it :-D

combo of new contacts and small reading glasses worked BRILLIANTLY for choir- i could see dr erickson clearly over my trendy little specs, AND see music clearly. and i have a full-frame pair of Palins to wear for piano. seeing is fabulous.

an average week, which i am thankful for. no unscheduled family meltdowns, students taught. still a little bummed about the weirdness of that choir job, but truly, when things drop into my lap like that? it's usually because SOMEONE hasn't thought it through well enough. the job they have in mind should be a full-time position with full-time wages and benefits. it won't be. like i saw on someone's brilliant icon-- "i have no trouble with God, it's his FANBASE i don't like."

but singing at st andrew is a joy, and there's poulenc in every day.
spiralflames: (the_soul)

buffalo lake7 in the rain, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

a day off, which is excellent, considering that now that i'm back with the choir, i'll be stuck getting up at SEVEN THIRTY on SUNDAYS. ouch. and standing through that service (literally- this church has people standing for 20-30 minutes out of the service, which is a drag in polyester choir robes and Girl Shoes.) i wish it were possible to just have the weds night choir without the sunday service, but i guess that's sort of the point..granted, most of the choir members are there because they've chosen to attend that church anyway. this church leaves me absolutely cold- it's a big suburban, feel-good, mega-church. but that's where you have to go to get a good-sized amateur choir these days, which is sad. so i'll pay the price. and, if i'm lucky, be home and back in bed by 10:30. NOT kidding. this child is NOT a morning person.

stalked an oboe player today and heard back from a soprano. music life is good.

CSG said i aeemed "a little manic" yesterday. um..yes? that's called Me, Truly Happy. he hasn't seen that side of me yet. hurricane warnings to follow, except these winds...oh, not going there, the metaphor will quickly degenerate into sex or oboe jokes...
spiralflames: (goddess)

glacier6, originally uploaded by spiralflmz.

third and final post today. so shoot me. wait, don't. :-D have an alaskan photo.

when i was in the recovery room at the hospital last thursday, drinking apple juice and waiting to go home, a volunteer came up to me. "nancy?" i put my glasses on to look- she was vaguely familiar, but i couldn't place a name. 'it's marcia from choir, how are you?"

i ditched choir in october last year- it seemed that the music was lame/easy, and they were doing a requiem i'd already sung with them for their november all-saints/all soul's day service. to me, it seemed maybe the director was losing his heart for the job- know the feeling, been there. ANYway, she told me that the choir was doing THE BRAHMS GERMAN REQUIEM this year.

i told her i'd be back on wednesday.

i emailed the director and asked him if he'd have an errant alto back. he replied quickly and said he'd be glad to, and since he 'already had a seating order in place' he'd put me at the end of the alto section.

a not-so-subtle way of telling me he wasn't going to put me back as an alto section leader until i could prove that i'd be around for awhile.

i can deal with this- it's deserved- and i'm hoping i DO have more endurance this year. last year at this time, i was still going through chemo, and although the side-effects were not horrible for me, i was exhausted much more easily, and didn't have much stamina. i'm hoping this year will be better.

i have ALWAYS wanted to sing the B r a h m s.

just coindidence that she was there at that time and place? there wouldn't have been any other way i would have found out what they- we- were singing.

it's time to go back.


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