spiralflames: (black_cat)

Objects in your Past are Closer than they Appear.

"I sound my barbaric YAWP over the roofs of the world."

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Created on 2017-02-01 06:09:35 (#2788946), last updated 2017-02-01 (25 weeks ago)

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Location:minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
i've never done a serious "profile" here, since i never wanted anyone to judge or categorize me on the basis of a few paragraphs, and self-description always made me uncomfortable. however, since everything else in my life's been turned around in the past few years, i might as well get over THAT as well.

so here's my 'martin luther' moment:("here i stand. i can do no other. may God help me.")

music has always been my life's greatest metaphor. i've played the piano since i was a child, and grew to love music, my teachers, and the people who made music. even when young, i dreamt of a man who would listen to my music and, through that, know my True Heart.

that happened, a bit. perhaps my standards changed. maybe my reasons for making music became more mature and less sentimental. possibly i lost that youthful fantasy that great composers wrote their music to express MY 20th-century soul rather than the other way around. perhaps i just got tired of trying.

and perhaps i realized that my True Heart existed..and exists still..whether anyone else knows it or not.

that brings a bit of peace.


in the summer of 2005, my life was interrupted for the first time- by Stage 4 ovarian cancer. my life shut down both physically and emotionally. i spent 51 days in the hospital, had major surgery, spent 3 months in an extended recovery facility, getting my strength of both body and spirit returned to me. the following year, the doctors gave me a PET scan and found stage 2 thyroid cancer, which was successfully treated. after 20 months of chemo, i am currently a cancer vanquisher ("survivor" is too pale a word.) i live every day in wonder and gratitude.

in may 2009, i gave the concert that i was preparing when i became ill. this time, it was a benefit for, which gives financial aid to individuals and families affected by cancer. In the summer of 2010, i will be 5 years cancer-free.

the percentage of women to live 5 years past Stage IV OvCa? FIVE. five per cent. ask me again if i live my entire life in gratitude? oh yes i do.

i now know i can share my True Heart not with just one compassionate lover, but with anyone who cares to listen- and know the Heart of another as well. I've become a LifeGuard- which to me means: i might not be able to change it, i can't usually fix it-- but i can, and will, stand with you.

at times, i can even extend those kindnesses to myself.

be well.
personal creed:

I'm a musician.
what kind? the kind where the music is first and foremost- where every phrase has meaning, both in and of itself and in an architectural hierarchy of phrases, one to the next. the kind where nothing is 'filigree' or 'ornamentation', but where each note is part of a unit, which is part of a statement, which is part of a paragraph, part of a chapter, part of a book, part of a history, part of a tradition, part of a culture, stretching from bach through mozart, beethoven, brahms, the early 20th-century pianists and teachers, to OUR teachers, to us.

what a privilege to be a part of this world.
spiralflmz - View my most interesting photos on Flickriver

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alaska, all-night conversations, anasazi, angels, antiques, archaelogy, arrau, art, astronomy, atman, bach, bay of fundy, bdsm, beethoven, books, brahms, c.g.jung, california redwoods, canadian rockies, cemeteries, chain-maille, chains in general, chausson, christina's world, classic horror flicks, classical, copland, cosima wagner, crop circles, debussy, denali, depression glass, dinosaurs, dreams, druidism, drum circle, drumming, duparc, e.e.cummings, easter island, egyptian hieroglyphs, el chupacabra, emily dickenson, energy, epiphanies, essay writing, excess, exegeses, exploration, family history, faure, friendly passion, gentleness, ghost photography, gilels, goddesses, godiva chocolate, good coffee, history, hopi cave paintings, illogical conclusions, impressionist music, invictus, james earl jones' voice, journalling, journeying, kokopelli, labyrinths, lake louise, lake superior, lieder, lilies, logic, lt. worf, lucy ricardo, lucy the margate elephant, mahler, mars, mothman, mountains, mythology, nature photography, new grange, new york, newfoundland, o'keefe, obscurity, orbs, oxymorons, passionate friendships, personal revelation, phenomenology of time, photography, pompeii, poulenc, prince edward island, pyramids, quiet conversation, ravel, remote viewing, rennes-le-chateau, restraints, resulting clarity, richter, rider-waite, road trips, robert the haunted doll, rorem, russian literature, satie, schubert, schumann, sensuality, serendipity, shamanism, silences, spirituality, st.michael the archangel, star trek, stonehenge, story medicine, the green flash, the immortal beloved, the janesville doll, the jersey devil, the tarot, the witch tree, traveling, trees, van gogh, vortexes, wagner, wally & the beav, writing, zen
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